When Did You Last Reboot?
When something goes wrong with a technological tool, whether it’s your computer, WiFi, or phone - what is the first thing that anyone will ask you?
Have you restarted?
Did you check for updates?
Shut down, unplug, wait ten seconds, and then reboot.
I would say that this works, 9/10 times.
When was the last time you re-started? When is the last time that you checked in with yourself and identified what updates were necessary in your own life?
When, then, did you last shut down, unplug, wait ten seconds, and re-start?
If you’re anything like most people - it has probably been a while. For most, life has been incredibly challenging for a long time. We have lost loved ones. We have lost jobs, incomes, time with friends, hugs from family, and at times, we have lost our faith in others, our faith in humanity.
Yet, those of us who are lucky enough to do so, wake up every day and keep going, keep moving, and lately it feels like - keep suffering. Most of us have not stopped in a very long time. We have not taken our vacations, because there is nowhere to go. We have not missed a day of work, because we feel lucky to have a job and fearful of losing it. We have not created space to grieve, both the collective and personal losses that have occurred.
And I’m worried about all of us.
As someone who thinks a lot about well-being, manages people, and serves as a coach and a mindfulness practitioner, even I have put well-being on the backburner for some time - and if I have, then I know I’m not alone.
*Before I go on, it’s important to state this: the ideas I’m about to share are not available to everyone. There is an inherent privilege that comes with being able to stop, take a break, and create boundaries. And if you are able to do it, you must. And then, you must then get back to work, and take care of others, lessening the weight that others must carry.*
So, what can we do?
We can shut down. If I learned anything from my maternity leave in the fall of 2019, it was this - work will be there when you get back. If I learned anything from 2020, it was this - your toddler will be OK if you need to let them watch screen time so you can take a break. And, if I’ve learned anything from 2021 so far it is this - saying no is hard, but it’s the most necessary act of self-care that we can do.
We can unplug. When did doom-scrolling become a term? Have you done it? I know I have, and it never makes me feel better. It doesn’t inspire me to do more, to be better, or to help others more effectively. It exhausts and drains me. And that’s not good for anyone, myself or those around me that I so desperately want to support. So unplug. Whether it’s for an hour, or better yet, a weekend. Turn off the news. Stop scrolling Instagram. Read a novel. Create something. Get back to baking sourdough bread. Let your mind rest, and heal, so that tomorrow you can show up better.
Wait 10 seconds. In my coaching, I often encourage clients to take a pause before reacting. Breathe. Think. Wait. When is the last time you have taken a mindful breath? That email can wait. That task will be waiting for you tomorrow. You don’t need to have a difficult conversation right now if you’re not capable. Pause, so you can make sure you know what’s most important. Pause, so you can respond as your best self. Pause, because you deserve it.
We can reboot. What do you need to let go of? What do you need to say yes to? What needs to change in order to make your life work for you? In those moments of pause, imagine what is possible. Consider who you need to be. And then slowly come back. I read somewhere recently that if something isn’t a HECK YES! Then it needs to be a no. And as a wise colleague mentioned recently:
No is a sentence.
No is an answer.
No is a prayer.
Take care of yourself, loved ones. We need you.
What is coaching all about?
One of the questions that I frequently hear is: what exactly is coaching? I have great friends, a partner, a therapist, and an incredible support system - so why would I need to invest in a coach? OR. I have little or no support system, and I also don’t have many financial resources available to me: so how could I ever prioritize having a coach? It is just not for me.
I understand both of these perspectives, and everything in between. And I also believe in the incredible, life-changing power of coaching. In order for a coaching engagement to be successful, a client (that could be you!) needs three things:
A real desire to change something in your life.
A willingness to get uncomfortable.
Trust in the coaching process.
That’s it! That is all you need for coaching to be wildly successful. Let’s dig in a bit deeper.
A real desire to change something in your life.
For many, the thought of engaging a coach comes up after they have decided to change something in their life. Whether it is finding your first job, switching careers, developing as a leader, organizing your home, or anything else. When I say a real desire, it means that you need to really, REALLY want to change. That desire is necessary because CHANGE IS HARD. There is just no other way to put it. It takes time, patience, effort, humility, and work to do. Which is why the second condition exists.
Willingness to get uncomfortable.
Change requires showing up, every single day, and doing something you have never done before. And it probably means being pretty bad at it, at least at first. Let’s say you want to find your first job. Writing your first resume and cover letter will be tough—because you have never done it before. Doing practice interviews? They could be painfully embarrassing, because you have never done it before. Getting rejected from job after job? That is the worst—especially, if you have never been rejected from jobs before. However, coaching creates a space where you are fully supported during this challenging process of change—because it does get easier, and that is why the third condition exists.
Trust the process.
The role of a coach is to create the conditions required for a person to go through transformational change. I am here to ask the hard questions to get to the core of what a client wants. I am here to suspend judgement and provide support, unconditionally, throughout each and every failure and success. I am here to guide, to lift up, and to create space for YOU to get to where you want to be. The coaching process looks different for everyone, but always includes these elements:
Finding the right coach. Every potential engagement starts with something that most coaches consider to be a “Chemistry Call”. This is an opportunity for the coach to get to know the client, understand what they need, and determine whether they are the best person for the job. At the same time, YOU need to decide whether this is the right coach for you. The coach will tell you about their process, their values, and what they expect of you. Don’t be afraid if the process sounds hard, but if for ANY reason they don’t feel like the right coach for you, move on to the next option. No hard feelings.
Getting started. If you work with me, we will spend our entire first session getting clear on what you want. This isn’t quite goal-setting, and it’s not quite dreaming. Instead, it is building clarity around what you expect to achieve by the end of the coaching engagement.
The Coaching Process. Each coaching session will begin and end in the same way. We will talk about your progress since the last session—what went well, what didn't go well, and most importantly—what did you learn about yourself? Then we will dig in to those learnings, which might not be all that comfortable—but you will learn more and feel better prepared to change. We’ll finish each session with concrete action steps that you will commit to taking before the next session. With each session, you will make more progress toward your goals.
Wrapping Up. At the end of a coaching engagement—whether it has been 5 or 11 sessions up to that point—you will be in a completely different place from where you started. We will reflect, evaluate, and plan. While I’ll have provided feedback to you throughout the process, this will be the opportunity to go even deeper, so you feel prepared to continue on towards achieving your goals, without the support of a coach.
At the end of the day, coaching is all about change. A desire to change, the support to change, and the incredible possibility of what life looks like on the other side of change. When you are considering working with a coach—do your research and find the right person—and as soon as you do, jump right in. Working with a coach can be life-changing—it has been for me, time and time again, and it will be for you.